Tied 'N' Teased, September 2003, Issue 47

The Marquise - Taking up the reins

I first came out on the scene 13 years ago. At this time, the Internet was not available in the way it is today to enable people to make connections and gather information. I had relied on magazines and books to show me that I was not alone in my tastes and to enlighten me as to my purpose. They provided me with knowledge before I ever ventured into club land. Once there, I did not play both roles, experimenting as a switch and serving some kind of apprenticeship to be a Domina, although there is nothing wrong in that tried and tested route. I always knew myself to be a "Dom," from the imaginative leaps I had made whilst reading about and studying this world, and experimentation with accommodating vanilla boyfriends. However the form my control over a submissive male takes has developed and deepened as my self-awareness, and confidence in that role, has matured.

The best advice I can give from this period of self discovery is: stay true to your conception of what this world is all about for you.

With so much information and collective experience out there now, we should never think that we know it all and no longer need to explore, question, and learn. We should not fall into the complacent belief that we have to convince others that we are right and that they should share our perspective. In any case, theoretical learning is only a starting point; we have then to immerse ourselves in experience. Life would be easy if emotional responses were like scientific equations, but then it would be so dull! Emotions are like the weather: predictions are useful as guides, but you should always expect surprises.
I don't lack confidence in my ideas, and neither am I suggesting should you, but rather we must continue to explore and question everything - including our own ethos and practice - with a challenging and incisive eye. I am glad that, through the pages of this magazine, I have the opportunity to articulate what I have learned through BDSM.
The ingredients of a scene touch all the keys of human identity: love and rejection, pride, dignity, honour, guilt and shame. In Fem Dom, there are maternal, school ma'am and divine overtones. The Domme is an avatar. There is a part of a sub male that may be revealed to me as low and contemptible but no part of it disgusts me. I take the best and worst in males and revel in the humiliating process of their self-revelation. When I place a collar around his neck, the male animal realises the paradoxical, perfect freedom of submission to a truly dominant woman.

The session itself can take many paths, depending on my mood, whims, chemistry with the sub and the toys/ equipment available. I love to tie a sub in intricate bondage and administer either a simple over-the-knee spanking or use a range of canes, paddles and whips on his vulnerable flesh. I find that administering pain is extremely erotic for me, if he takes it and groans in that oh so special way that is delightful to this sadist's ear. I enjoy torturing genitals and nipples, perhaps as a part of an interrogation scene where my fertile imagination and intelligence come to the fore.

Some call me a psychic (I have read minds on occasion!) due to my penchant for knowing where the submissive is in a scene, even down to his desires and thoughts. One of My passions is uncovering the wantonness that is hidden under a conservative exterior. Contrasts attract me. Finding a filthy need and hearing it admitted to, alongside the careful reasoned thoughts, is too exciting for words. My sub permits me to use him sexually, and within limits, I can deal as I wish with my male toy. I encourage the sub to be as wanton and shameless as he longs to be. My ropes and chains deprive him of his power to resist; the whip or paddle spurs him along.

BDSM liberates the sexual imagination by the notion that all permission comes from the Dom. When I have my way, my sadistic heart loves every single second of it! My ultimate happiness is found when I have the power truly to control a male. With a collared slave, all my concerns, my physical and social existence, I find in him, and I am his centre: I am his keeper and am ever aware of that responsibility.

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