Shock Horror

I’ve just opened an entertaining text message from a friend which read 'Spent the last half hour using electrics on my tranny slaves make up artist, so don't be surprised if her lipstick is wonky tomorrow'! I laughed out loud. As a dominant of some years, nothing shocks me anymore-and I think that's entirely appropriate.
Actually that's not quite right; there is something that shocks me. When I find that there are others in society, despite this being the 21st century, who inhabit planet Daily Mail (men that can afford it, go to sex workers- really quell surprise? young people go to Greece on holiday to do drugs and have lots of sex, amazing! Some people have a fethisitic orientation and go to kinky clubs! Who knew?) It’s as if we pervy folk have been in on the bleatingly obvious fact for many years, that seem to many vanillas to remain a concept as elusive as Einstein's theory of relativity: namely that sexual interaction has being going on since the dawn of time, there are a variety of different ways of expressing your sexuality and lots of people are doing it.
One of the things I love about the bdsm lifestyle is that there is for the most part an enlightened attitude to sex.
For those that argue bdsm has nothing to do with sex I would contend that there is a deep sexual erotic involvement in a Bdsm encounter. Lots of scenes involve genitals or arousal body areas, outfits are often revealing and sexually exciting and even something that doesn't involve touch such as verbal taunts are erotic if they are perceived as sexually stimulating by the receiver and or the giver. One or other of players are usually sexually aroused during a bdsm encounter. Because your fetish is feet, which for someone else has no sexual connotation whatsoever, that doesn't mean that licking someone's foot isn't for you a sexual act. That arousal can be preliminary to sexual intercourse or being appreciated as an experience by itself. Moreover, also performing sexual intercourse Dom/sub roles can be held. A Dom may order a slave to sexually "serve" them but deny or limit the sub's pleasure, or have them perform while bearing painful stimulations. In such case the sub is used as a 'sex toy’.
For many BDSMers, myself included, the pleasure in bdsm is something additional than purely sexual gratification - a kind of power kick as strong as sexual orgasm, described as a mental orgasm. For those BDSMers the Domination/submission interaction is fundamental. They do not find sexual intercourse necessary for a fully satisfactory BDSM session. Of course sexual arousal is often present, but they just aren't interested in consummating it. Those who appreciate D/s, s/m or both know how exciting it can be to observe the obvious sexual eagerness of the sub for the Dom. And many subs enjoy it to the point that they find that denial more desirable then the intercourse itself. Some Doms enjoy being in control of submissives but consider them as servants, pets or objects who they do not want, for whatever reason, to be sexually intimate with. In such relationships the desire of the sub can be ignored, derided or also pushed to extremes for the amusement of the Dom. Forced chastity and/or teasing and denial are the more common forms of Bdsm scenario without penetrative sex. Excluding sexual intercourse may make it easy for couples to interact with others for play, within defined limits. Absence of sexual intercourses may make occasional scenes, like in a club setting more appropriate, for example by covering legal restrictions.Whilst I believe that Dominance is an art form, a practice of mental control and personal growth, augmented through physical acts, I certainly don't think this means it's not sexual whether or not intercourse takes place - that is to put a very narrow definition on what constitutes sex. I have no desire to rule out the erotic element in an encounter. I am not on a quest for the latest must-have gadget or ideological position to take on this issue. My own ability, coupled with my experiences with bdsm are enough to show me the way forward. I do not compromise my reality to conform to another's idea of what I should be or do as a Dominant. I see no need to change to conform to another's fantasy.Whilst I favour compassion, style, civility and tastefulness in my interactions I also do not feel this puts me in a world away from the flesh! To me these things do not have to be mutually exclusive, yes I like and enjoy sex, and yes I exercise taste and discretion to promote a meaningful encounter. By definition, sadomasochism is an erotic paraphilia. Even if you never have an orgasm, the whole point of a BDSM relationship is kinky eroticism.
So full marks to us deviants! I don't care if my nonplussed attitude to the above makes me decadent or that an indifference to much of what I see in clubs represents the erosion of my moral fibre. And the word promiscuous is not in my vocabulary, invented as it was to describe anyone whose had more than one lover! If being dissolute means I am liberated from the dreary, joyless, petty and indeed infantile associations of shame and secrecy that the British media attempt to impose on sex, then dissolute I am glad to be!

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